This article is a part of The Daily Gamecock's April Fools' Day issue. This article is not real.
Students flee as walls come tumbling down
According to witnesses, the slide happened around 6:30 p.m. — widely regarded as prime climbing time in the world of rocks — and was completely spontaneous.
"Dude ... dude," said avid climber and third-year physical education student Dave Biener. "I felt like I was James Franco in '127 Hours' — minus chopping my arm off."
Several students who were working out at the time of the event noticed and proceeded to run for their lives.
"I'm so glad I work out 24/7, so I was totally trained to run the hell out of there.
I saw the rocks just fall. I think I'll stick with weights for now on," second-year environmental studies student Chad Brochill said.
Unfortunately, Brochill may not be able to "stick with weights" for much longer.
The event has led to a further investigation by campus officials on the safety on the Strom's fitness equipment, and they are now proposing a total recall of all treadmills, ellipticals and rowing machines. Students can anticipate a complete shutdown of the popular gym in the coming weeks, according to officials.
"We can't take this chance again. A landslide won't bring us down," Strom Thurmond spokesman Trad Mill said.
The decision will be made before the semester is finished, so those working to pursue a summer beach body can basically forget it.
"If the Strom closes down, my dad will be making a call. I may be able to lose the weight later, but the pictures from my friends' cruise to Rio will last forever," first-year exercise science student Prisscilla McTiff said.
No fatalities were reported from the rock wall, but everyone was told to "take a chill pill" by Outdoor Recreation employees.