This article is part of The Daily Gamecock's April Fools' edition. It is not real.
Beta Lambda Delta fraternity has taken the mantle of 2012 Carolina Cup champions, defeating longtime winners Kappa Alpha Upsilon, marking KAU’s first defeat in the Cup’s 80-year history.
Beta was widely regarded as an underdog in Greek Life’s perennially hyped-up contest, which includes cornhole, beer pong, shotgunning time trials and general pastel style.
“We’ve been training really hard for this year since we found out we’re moving into the Greek Village,” said Walter Breckonridge, the chapter’s president. “The dedication has been absolutely incredible.”
Much of Beta’s success hinged on a strong shotgunning performance by Thane “Black Jack” Hamilton, a third-year Southern studies student.
Hamilton downed a 12-ounce can of Natural Ice in just 4.27 seconds, a College Park record.
“Get at me, bro!” he shouted, arms outstretched after slamming his crushed can onto the hay-covered turf.
Hamilton then pounded his chest, draped in Vineyard Vines attire, and paused for a prolonged belch.
The fraternity also benefited from its brothers’ ambitious wardrobe decisions. Carlton Winstonworth, a third-year political science student, donned a pink Brooks Brothers Oxford and pale green bow tie with yellow Palmetto tree-embroidered khakis.
“He looked like a damned Easter egg out there,” Breckonridge said. “He really stepped up for us.”
Across the grounds, members of USC’s now-defunct Alpha Tau Omicron fraternity found a surprise of their own, as police officer dropped by the group’s tent. Donning a baby blue seersucker suit, the officer declined comment when approached by a reporter Saturday afternoon.
“I’m off duty today,” he said, before turning back to an ongoing game of beer pong, grabbing a ball and yelling, “Celebrity shot!”
Alpha Tau Omicron members seemed to appreciate the appearance, after overcoming an initial skepticism.
“I was kind of surprised, but this guy’s actually a really cool bro,” Chad Clayton Mitchell, a second-year finance student, said.
Beta Lambda Delta’s performance sent shockwaves throughout the entirety of College Park, though, leaving everyone flabbergasted, from a speechless group of Kappa Alpha Upsilon brothers to a slew of other fraternities considered long shots in Saturday’s competitions.
KAU officers repeatedly declined comment, and members seemed to wrangle with reality of their broken tradition.
“I’m just ashamed, really,” first-year history student Marshall Lee IV said, bowing his head and clutching a white visor. “I started training as a pledge; I’ve been pounding these basically every weekend since the Navy game last semester. It just sucks; my dad and my granddad were both brothers. I don’t even want to think about what they’re gonna say.”
Members of other fraternities were also shocked, including a number of smaller names in Greek Life who said they, too, had trained extensively, eyeing an upset over Kappa Alpha Upsilon.
“Our flag flew higher, but they were an absolute juggernaut out there,” said one member of Delta Theta Delta fraternity who asked to remain unnamed. “I guess we just came up short.”
The results of Saturday’s horse races also elicited surprised reactions from students. Black Jack Blues, a favorite coming into the annual steeplechase, ran to a convincing victory, completing the 2 1/4-mile course in 4:06.80 and taking home a $50,000 purse.
“Wait — what?” Mitchell asked later in the afternoon, shaking his head and affecting a perplexed look. “There were horses? That’s blowing my mind right now, man.”