This article is part of The Daily Gamecock's April Fools' edition. It is not real.
Everywhere you look, you can find students and faculty leisurely drifting along in garnet and black inflatable donuts.
Second-year media design student Bradley Conhab is one of many who have chosen this mode of transportation.
“It was a little tricky at first to get used to trying to negotiate the waterways with other students, but now things seem more organized than ever before,” Conhab said. “There’s a fast current for people who are in a rush and a lazy lane for those of us not looking to make a big splash.”
Conhab isn’t alone in this sentiment. Jessica Plavinski, a fourth-year biology student, has enjoyed her inner tube experience.
“When it rains, instead of avoiding the slippery stairs and buckets in the Russell House, students are lined up to race down,” Plavinski said. “It’s a total rush. It’s like navigating through white water rapids.”
The only ones who dislike the inner tube system are the stray cats around campus. It isn’t the flooding that has them upset, but the fact that their claws keep popping the flotation devices.
The university funding allocated to landscaping has been redirected to the construction of special stands to park your inner tube between classes. Parking services still manage to make their rounds in kayak ticketing, towing and tugging all unregistered tubes.
These advancements have not gone unnoticed. USC was recently awarded an “inner tube friendly” rating thanks to the 20,000 Leagues of American Tubers. USC is the first school on the east coast to earn the honor.
“We were very impressed by USC’s inner tube advancements,” Council member Anthony Harris explained as he floated down Greene Street. “Oh, no, that’s a big wave. HELP! I CAN’T SWIM!”
Campus security remains vigilant to ensure that everyone remains safe when they hit the water and requires that a life preserver and floaties be worn at all times. However, several students have already been arrested for drinking and drifting.