Destiny’s Child reunion lights fire for nostalgic return
Let’s face it — the 2013 Super Bowl was a little less entertaining than in years past. Besides 34 minutes of total blackout, spawning speculation that evil, asthmatic “Batman” villain Bane was making his way to the Mercedes-Benz Superdome, the game and its long-anticipated commercials were somewhat forgettable. What wasn’t as easy to let go of was the reunion of the lady meat-shaking, weave-flipping, bootylicious trifecta that is Destiny’s Child. In addition to reopening the old wounds of millions of fans the world over (we’re not ready to say your name yet; it’s just too soon), the performance rocked the Internet world with the (recently banned) “ugly” photos of Beyonce mid-grind or the “Poor Michelle” website now lighting up the Tumblr world. Are they back together? Are they not back together? Will they finally stop wearing outfits that match? We may never know the answers to these burning questions, but what we do know is that we’re now fully prepared to open our hearts to a slew of ’90s bands we’d love to see back onstage together.
Look up “sibling rivalry” in Webster’s dictionary and chances are you’ll stumble across the sneered, stodgy mugs of brothers Liam and Noel Gallagher. Originally formed in 1991, the band became wildly popular in both the United States and the United Kingdom with mainstream tearjerkers like “Champagne Supernova” and “Wonderwall.” But soon after their climb to success came the eminent fall; drug abuse and band disagreements led to a series of unsuccessful live shows filled with onstage lashings and bitter fights. Eventually, the band parted ways, leaving fans reeling with concern that they might never perform again. But now seems like the perfect time to make their re-entry into the music world, exchanging glares for guitars and crystal meth for clear chords. We’re almost guaranteed one of two things: The brothers Gallagher will share a much-needed loving embrace. Or, they’ll kill each other. That’s entertainment.
‘N Sync, Backstreet Boys and 98 Degrees again? Why, you say? Well, why the heck not? These guys make Justin Bieber look like a pansy covered in sprinkles (not that it’s too hard to do), and every one of One Direction’s moms still has a crush on J.C. Chasez. These pioneers of pop have crafted songs about breakups, makeups and just plain having a fun time. Internet pictures never surfaced of Nick Lachey lighting up, and they’ve all yet to date Taylor Swift, so they’re all still winning those races. The worst thing we cried over was when Justin hit Britney one more time with a big fat breakup. Yes, Joey got chunky, Lance came out (we knew) and no one knows what happened to Brian Littrell. Come out, come out, wherever you are.
Yes, Courtney Love is a lingerie-wearing, smeared-lipstick weirdo. And yes, it is quite possible the bleach-blond vixen was responsible for dragging down one of the best musical talents of the past century. But when Hole first burst onto the scene in the late ’80s, Love’s loudmouth, feisty-girl antics made her a sex object for men and a questionable role model for young females. The band’s first album garnered acclaim for its originality and Love’s domineering power over her male counterparts, but by the time the second album dropped, attention had turned to her tumultuous relationship with tortured soul and Nirvana front man Kurt Cobain. Following the singer’s unexpected suicide, Love spiraled even further into madness, eventually losing custody of daughter Frances Bean in a whirlwind of booze and drugs. Rumors of a comeback have been whispered throughout online forums, but perhaps it’s better that Love focuses on maintaining sobriety before she pulls another stunt like her Madonna interview on MTV in 1995. It’s bad. YouTube it.
Oh, you hate the Spice Girls? Too bad. With the exception of Geri “Traitor” Halliwell, the Spice Girls were a one-way train that ran on girl power, platform shoes and dresses with the Union Jack made out of sequins. They had their own movie, books and Barbie dolls. Since the Spice Girls broke up, there has been a noticeable void in the world of girl bands, left to be filled by whiners like T-Swift and certified baldie Britney Spears. Plus, imagine how great their new outfits would be.