One-night stands leave one unsatisfied, depressed
College is one long string of trial and error. Hence the phrase, “give it the ol’ college try.” From finding friends to finding classes to maybe someday finding a lasting relationship.
I chose to be the first person in my immediate family to come to a public university. My older sister chose my parents’ Christian alma mater, my brother chose the Marines and I chose Sodom and Gomorrah — or so my parents thought. They supported me continuing my education, but were fearful of the sexual education a college campus tends to lend, especially one so beer-soaked as Columbia, S.C.
The benefits of being raised in a Christian household are that you pretty much always know where you stand on an issue. Maybe that’s why I love writing for the Viewpoints section, because I always have an opinion.
When you start thinking about grandiose concepts like eternity at 4 years old and powerful ideas like omnipotence and everlasting love, you’re capable of getting a little philosophical early in adolescence.
This also meant usually intimidating talks (like the “birds and the bees”) were more of a habit than the one-time embarrassment between parent and child that I understand so many of my friends went through. I learned abstinence was the way to have sex. And I was always reminded that my body was a special gift for my husband. For a while sex before marriage in my mind seemed worse than breaking an actual law.
Luckily, I was able to make up my own mind about that the same way I was about my religious convictions, but the essence of what my parents were trying to teach me remains true.
“Everything in life is about sex, except sex, which is about power.” They were telling me the sooner sex happens in a relationship, the weirder it will be. There’s an imbalance of power after being vulnerable and naked with someone you don’t know. They believed abstinence was powerful because the discipline behind it required more thought before action.
This can seem like an archaic concept. I know I can see it that way when I’m surrounded by movies and TV shows all screaming at me that sex is just another way to get to know someone and to get it out of the way to see if you really “connect” before wasting more time with them.
This is the new fairy tale college raises us with. More prolific than “Sleeping Beauty” or “Cinderella”, it’s the Princess (or Prince) and the One-Night Stand. But if that really ended happily, we wouldn’t need Cosmo’s “How to text him after you’ve hooked up” tips, or Ben and Jerry’s, or text block when the guy turns out to be a stage-five clinger.
So my new belief mixes the best of both worlds I’ve encountered. The discipline of not giving in right away leaves room to discover more about a person and save a lot of the pain and awkwardness our one-night stand culture breeds. And as much as everyone wants to act like sex isn’t a big deal, it’s ultimately about power, and power is always a volatile force.