Watching "Grey’s Anatomy" with my mother once, she said to me: “You know what I’ve always wondered about lesbians? How do they know when sex is over?”
When I decided against being appalled, putting my fingers in my ears and la-la-la-ing my way out of this conversation, I asked her what she meant.
“Well, you know,” she said. “When you’re having sex with a man, you know when it’s over.”
To which I responded, with an eyebrow quirked perhaps a little too smartly for a conversation with my mother, “maybe for you.”
The idea that sex is over when a man orgasms has been the established norm for essentially all of recorded history. It is this point during a sexual escapade at which the activities have been concluded, the man tips his hat in gratitude, smokes a cigarette and promptly falls asleep. However, as studies have shown that 75 percent of men in relationships always orgasm with their partner, only 30 percent of women report the same.
In a study done by Jessica Wood at the University of Guelph, it was reported that women are twice as likely to perform oral sex on a partner and half as likely to enjoy doing it. So not only is sex ending when the penis is tired, but the mouth belonging to that penis isn’t really doing its fair share either to make up for the 45 percent of women that aren’t coming during sex.
A good friend of mine, let's call her Sally, once went over to a boy’s house — let's call him Sid. After engaging in light foreplay, not extending to oral sex, penetration commenced. Sally later reported that she had originally thought that it was a little rude to initiate penetration without even a token effort at getting her off beforehand, but she was willing to skip right ahead to that. Much to Sally’s dismay, though, Sid finished within 20 seconds. Twenty seconds. Quite literally a two-pump chump, not even a minute man. Now, as embarrassing as that is, what is even more embarrassing, however, was that after he was finished, he merely apologized, said he’d make it up to her later and suggested she leave.
The frankly insulting dismissal made it clear to Sally that her orgasm didn’t matter. That, as far as he was concerned, he was done, so sex was done and her role, as a penis receptacle, was complete. There was not even an offer or hands or mouth — just a raincheck. As if she would ever call him again, after such an apathetic performance.
This idea that a female orgasm is merely a byproduct of a man’s has been perpetuated by the programmed meekness of women in regard to sex, due to years of sexual shaming and repression. So ladies, I implore you to pursue the three-to-one ratio. In comparison to men, in this culturally and historically sexist world, there are very few things women can boast about. But, by God, if multiple orgasms is not one of them, I don’t know what is. So next time you, a woman, are having sex with a man, make sure he puts due diligence into making you come at least once before you even try to reciprocate. A female orgasm should be an obvious part of heterosexual foreplay. It just should be. Because women and people with clitorises are not limited to one orgasm every 15 minutes, like men ages 18-24 are. So take advantage of that. Three-to-one orgasm ratio, ladies; our reparations for centuries of oppression.