Srat Nap March 22, 9:18 p.m.
One individual attempted to skip the formal rush process and instead initiate himself into Alpha Chi Omega when he was found sleeping on their porch. A girl woke him up and asked him to leave, but he refused. Luckily, or maybe not depending on the reason for his admittance, he had a hospital bracelet that identified him with his name and birth. The girls are expected to err on the side of caution and keep their cooler painting and canvas decorating indoors for a while.
Rocker MIA March 26, 9:30 a.m.
A university official reported the theft of his rocking chair from his front porch on Bull Street. He described it as an "unfinished wood[,] cracker barrel styled chair with a red seat cushion" worth $200 and let’s be real, that does sound like a pretty tempting steal.
Freight hopping over bar hopping March 26, 11:39 p.m.
One man thought he was in a scene from the Polar Express late Sunday night when the conductor of a train moving near the Greek Village bus stop saw him riding on top of one of the railroad cars. He helped the man get down because he was unable to do so by himself. The individual had severely slurred speech and emitted the smell of alcohol. He did admit to being on top of the train, but he also said he was calling his dad to pick him up. The man better hurry before his son gets antsy and hops another train.
Flight over Fight when drunk March 27, 2:10 a.m.
Police stopped two boys, one helping the other one walk. At the officer’s approach, one told the other to "run, run, run" and he left the scene. Police told the other to stop and he acted like he was walking toward the cop car and then attempted to pull a fast one and book it towards Cliff Apartments. However, his drunkenness became evident as he lost his footing and fell while running downhill.
Secure the bag (and vomit into it) March 27, 3:24 a.m.
One student was found in his dorm room in McBryde lying in bed next to vomit on his floor. He had three large cans of Budweiser on his desk, but he advised cops that he was "just trying to celebrate the Final Four."
Harold and Kumar wannabe goes to Cookout March 28, 2:02 a.m.
An individual stopped at nothing for a late-night Cookout tray Tuesday. He attempted to jump a concrete and metal fence in order to get to the fast food restaurant as police watched him faceplant instead. He was clearly disheveled and told them he had had a decent amount of beer, but that could be true for just about anyone at 2 a.m. at Cookout.