Not-so-sweet sixteen Feb. 25, 10:16 p.m.
A 16-year-old girl was found throwing up on the side of Assembly Street. The vehicle she had been in was left sitting still in the roadway with hazard lights on. Her friend said they had left Tio’s where she had drunk a margarita. This makes evident the more than lenient carding policies of Columbia establishments.
Peeing on cars with strangers Feb. 26, 1:55 a.m.
One man learned his lesson in breaking the seal on a night of heavy drinking. A citizen reported that an unknown man got into the back of his car and then, when he was told to get out, peed on the back of the vehicle. Police found the subject on the back porch using the railings for balance and unaware of where he was.
GTA: Utility truck edition March 1, 10:30 a.m.-11:14 a.m.
USC grounds and landscaping supervisor alerted police that an unknown person removed a utility truck parked on college street directly outside of the Old Alumni House that had the keys left in the ignition. So, if someone you know is skirting through campus in a whip with a backpack leaf blower in the tailgate, it’s safe to assume it was stolen.
DUI driver literally runs into USCPD March 4, 12:30 a.m.
A driver ignored a red light at the intersection of Sumter and Pendleton and nearly collided with a USCPD vehicle. On top of what was basically an invitation for police to arrest him, he hit the curb while pulling over. Unsurprisingly, the motorist smelled of alcohol and had slurred speech, but insisted he only consumed one alcoholic beverage.
Popping Xanax like Tic Tacs March 4, 5 a.m.
Police found a male subject bleeding from his face outside of Capstone Residence Hall and were advised by security guards that he was not a student. The man gave conflicting stories of how the assault occurred. He was not coherent and was unsteady when standing. He attempted to search through his cell phone as if it were a wallet to look for his ID, so he gave the officer permission to search him in order to locate his ID — bad idea. During the search, a Tic Tac box containing pills marked as Xanax instead of tasty orange 1/2-calorie breath mints was found. The subject said he was not prescribed the drug and admitted to taking a few of the pills that night and drinking 4 or 5 PBRs.