My experience using dating apps and websites as an individual on the asexual spectrum has been very difficult and isolating at times. I have never felt comfortable using Tinder, as it has a reputation for being a “hook-up” app. Being somewhere between sex-averse and sex-indifferent, I am not prepared to receive the sexually explicit messages I heard my friends say they have received on the app.
I have used OkCupid a few times before when I was single. However, the response was not much better. I am very open on my profiles about my asexuality, to make it clear what I am interested in and to hopefully avoid sexually explicit messages. I either get people who still message inappropriate things (clearly not reading the profile), or who say things along the lines of, “Good luck finding a person who can put up with you and your problems.”
In addition, you find the people who think that you have just a mental condition that can be “cured” or you just haven’t been with the right person. The two times I met people for casual dates from OkCupid ended up in awkward conversations about what I was OK with physically and what I wasn’t OK with. There weren’t any questions to further get to know me and my personality or what my interests were. It just seemed that my lack of sexual attraction and interest in sexual activity, in my case, was the only thing that really mattered.
I have tried some asexual dating sites, and I have met some really cool people on there, with whom I enjoy talking. However, these sites are very small communities, with many accounts no longer active, or the individuals I connect with the most live in other countries and on other continents. It makes forming a companionship-type relationship very difficult. I am currently in a very positive, healthy relationship; however, if something did ever happen, I would probably never turn to dating sites/apps again.