For many students, college is a period of identity formation and learning more about themselves and their relationship to others. During their time in college, students will form both romantic and platonic relationships. Understanding the attachment style theory will help USC student navigate various kinds of relationships throughout college and beyond.
20th Century psychologist John Bowlby proposed the idea of the four attachment styles: anxious, secure, avoidant and disorganized. Whether one approves of Bowlby’s theory or not, understanding which category best fits students can help to ensure a journey of creating healthy and long lasting relationships.
People's social dynamics often reflect their attachment styles. For example, the way someone reacts to an argument with a friend or when entering a romantic relationship reflects their attachment style. One may be standoffish, or labeled as "clingy." These traits can be deemed in a negative light but with a a new sense of understanding students can give themselves and others grace for these behaviors.
Attachment styles form during infancy but will begin to affect students as they age and enter into these relationships. They are a reflection of the ways in which parents tended to their needs as children. According to Bowlby, children should feel securely attached to their caregivers. When a parent is often dismissive, busy or unemotional, it heavily influences the way their child behaves as an adult.
As students transition into adult life, they can reflect back on the way they were raised and how it influences their character. With a clear understanding of attachment styles, students can continue to grow both personally and socially, using this knowledge as an aid to navigate relationships.
Someone who has a secure attachment style typically felt comforted, valued and safe as an infant and child. Their parents are closely involved in their lives and support them no matter what. This carries over into young adulthood, as the secure feel stable and at peace in their relationships. They remember a joyous childhood and reflect that positivity into their adult lives. Studies show secure attachment is the most common of the styles.
Someone with an anxious attachment style is typically raised by inconsistent parents that sometimes tend to their needs, but dismiss them other times. These parents are hot and cold, sometimes intruding in their child's personal life and other times neglecting their emotional connection. Anxiously attached young adults can experience low self esteem, validation seeking behaviors and fear of abandonment due to these experiences.
Someone who is avoidant may come across as independent and nonchalant. Growing up, the avoidant's emotions were dismissed by their parents, who they struggled to emotionally bond with on a deeper level. As a young adult, an avoidant may have trouble letting others in, but come across as independent in nature.
Someone who is disorganized in their attachment may have experienced trauma or abuse in their childhood. Fear is at the center of this attachment style, because growing up the child does not know what to expect from their parents. The disorganized may have witnessed traumatic events in their household, leading them to distrust their caregivers. As adults, people with avoidant attachment style may find themselves longing for strong relationships but incapable of committing to them. Their behavior can vary across friendships and relationships, because fear stops them from getting close to others.
Discovering attachment styles can help students to build longer lasting friendships and relationships. It makes navigating hardships easier, creates a new sense of awareness toward others and overall is beneficial when creating boundaries. Using their newfound knowledge, students can create boundaries in their social groups to better suit their style.
Overall, Bowlby's theory can benefit students as they continue to enter their adult life. Self discovery is one major part of college and knowing your style can help you to heal and continue to grow in students relationships.